A place for nerds in the Society of Friends?

One of the questions asked in this year’s Spiritual Preparation for Yearly Meeting is:

  • Do you consider yourself to be ‘spiritual’, or an activist? Do you find the distinction helpful in considering your own journey and experiences?

My answer to this is: neither, and therefore, no.

When I picture an activist, I think of people who do things for which I don’t have the time, energy, or social skills. I do little bits of activism – the kind of things which get mocked in internet articles – like signing petitions, discussing politics with friends, and donating a bit of money now and again. I very rarely go to demonstrations, I almost never hand out leaflets, I’ve never been arrested, and the ways in which I’ve changed my life to bring it into accordance with my principles are mainly invisible. I’m often practical, but I’m by no means an activist.

When I picture someone who is spiritual, I think of people whose spiritual life works in a way which mine doesn’t. I’ve been going to meeting for worship my whole life and I’ve never really been able to ‘centre down’. I don’t have a prayer life to speak of, I’m immune to whatever people get out of sacred music, I like to look at religious art but rarely get beyond looking, and when I read scripture I come away with more questions than answers. I do sometimes have experiences which I can only describe as ‘spiritual’, and I value being in an organised religion because some of our structures help me feel spiritually connected, but whatever ‘being spiritual’ involves, I feel outside the category.

So, what I am? I’m a nerd, a swot, a geek, an over-educated over-thinker. This is, as that link suggests, common among Quakers – but it also, often, unwelcome. In a time when rationality has been staked out as the realm of atheism, there seems to be a trend among the religious towards rejecting thought and rigour. I’ve considered it carefully, and concluded that this could be a terrible mistake. However, because I’ve ‘considered’ and ‘concluded’, I suspect my ideas are liable to be thrown out without being heard, on methodological grounds.

When I call myself a geek or a nerd, people sometimes tell me off for putting myself down. This tells me that these words still have a power which can be reclaimed. After years of bullying and social exclusion for being ‘weird’ and ‘clever’, for being articulate enough to give right answers in class and bothering to do so, for enjoying learning and working hard at it, I’m not going to start pretending not to think. I admit it: I think about things at home, I think at work, I even think in Meeting for Worship.

I’m not suggesting that you should do this too (unless you want to). For me, though, prayer and philosophy are closely connected. To think something through, to consider it from all angles, to ask questions like “what do I really know about this?” or “what assumptions underlie the way I am approaching this?” is a way of holding an issue in the Light. Sometimes this leads to activity: “if I hold this view, and this view, then I ought to…” Sometimes this lead to spiritual perspectives: if God loves me as I am, then She’ll love me even if I ask the hard questions.

I am neither spiritual, nor an activist, but approach the world through questioning, thought, and wondering. My Quaker journey is strongly shaped by that even – especially? – when it seems unpopular.

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4 responses to “A place for nerds in the Society of Friends?

  1. Thank you, Rhiannon – this speaks to my condition.

  2. Actually, I know a few Friends, including myself, for whom the Quaker business method is a central part of our belonging. That feels connected with the geeky-nerdiness to me?

  3. All thinking higher than your belly button is metaphoric: mappings from ‘This’ (which I hope I understand) to ‘That’ (which I hope will turn out more-or-less isomorphic.)

    There are tight metaphors (which don’t fit much, but fit what they might fit quite precisely) aka allegedly-right-handed/left-minded style; and then there are loose metaphors (which fit anywhere, but might not really match well enough to whatever you’ve wrapped in them) aka allegedly-left-handed/right-minded style. The tight stuff is fine for whatever a person can do well habitually; but in emergencies (& stress) the mind starts sketching out larger, looser patterns in hopes that something not-yet-considered will come along.

    So it isn’t thinking per se that deserves the bad rep; but using the wrong thinking tool for the wrong job. Failure to find the right one and trying to make do with whatever’s left. Focus too loose to see a barn or focus too tight to see the stuff around it, etc etc.

  4. There is a difference between thinking about something and the activity itself. That is, there is a difference between thinking about thinking and the activity of thinking in itself.

    To think about something is to keep it at a distance. To live in the activity of thinking itself is to experience directly, and without the mediation of ‘thoughts about,’ the Life and Impulse that exists between the ideas and it is most often the invisible animating thread holding thoughts about together.

    Some people are come into and it has been discovered to them a way of being that is anchored in the direct experience of the activity of thinking itself in itself … they are ‘centered down’ into the activity itself in itself which becomes their identity, meaning, and purpose.

    It isn’t that thinking about something is, in itself, wrong. It is that once a person is come into and their conscience and conscious is anchored in the activity of thinking itself in itself, they are guided by the activity itself rather than the thoughts about, especially in matters of conscience and human relationships.

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